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26 June 2005 @ 02:19 pm
No one ever really expects their life to change  
I walked up the stairs lethargically after delivering one not so inspiring pep talk to the big broody one. It wasn't my fault really, of course I already knew it wasn't my fault. That never stopped Angel from thinking it was his fault, he thought everything was his fault. I tried to tell him that he couldn't be everywhere all the time. If he'd been busy checking up on Doyle instead of rescuing me from the slayer formerly known as psycho maybe he and Doyle would be having the same conversation- only about me, and possibly Wesley and Faith as well. It didn't make the ache go away, it didn't make me miss Doyle any more or less it was just a fact. When you love and you live and you lose you have to learn what's important, and I knew exactly what that was right now. Just like I told Angel. Doyle was dead, but Doyle's mission was still very much alive. I would be damned if I was going to watch Angel give up on everything he's worked for because he can't help but blame himself for everything that's ever happened.

Why is it my lot in life to have to convince the most stubborn people and manpire on earth to do...what they should be doing anyway?! I mean, Faith has no where to go, she definitely couldn't go back to Miss Likes to Fight in Sunnydale courtesy of a knife to the gut. Faith was floundering, drowning slowly and I couldn't even begin to understand the kind of things she was going through. Angel was more suited to helping her than I was, and yet I found myself doing it anyway. Something about her, I didn't even get it considering I would have rather thrown myself on some more rebar than have anything to do with the skank slayer a couple years ago. Let alone end up in the shower with her! I'm not gay! Okay, I was confused, and that made sense because Faith was confusing. She danced circles around me and sometimes I had to just hold her still so I could...help her. Figuratively with the whole dancing thing, since holding Faith still is not a job way too big for any one person. The fact was, Faith needed us as much as we needed her. Especially with the whole vision gig she had going on now. I wasn't sure what that was all about, but I knew it was connected to Doyle and Angel. I couldn't believe the Powers that Be picked her of all people to be their messenger but everything happened for a reason. It was just more proof that I wasn't the only one pulling for her, the powers were too. Which by the way? Was saying alot coming from the powers that sit on their asses and never actually help any of us down here.

On top of that there was Wesley. Wesley who was currently staying in my apartment and keeping my ghost company. Alright, so maybe I was getting a little homesick and hey, how could I not miss the ghost that gives the best back rubs ever? Dennis was the perfect roomate and my apartment was the perfect apartment. That didn't mean I wanted Wes to leave town, I could help him find an apartment of his own. Besides, Wesley was like Faith in that he had no where else to go. He couldn't go back to England, he definitely couldn't go back to Sunnydale (even though I was pretty sure he never got stabbed). He needed us, and we needed him. God, what does it take to get through to these people? Was I the only one who could see four people floundering around, trying to find their place. Their place was here, we needed eachother. It all went back to Doyle's mission, which was once again, very much not dead.

I was about to disappear into the room I'd been staying in when my eyes inadvertantly strayed to the door across the hall. Faith's room. Was she sleeping? Was she freaking out about the vision she had? Had she already slipped out the window and disappeared and now I'd never see her again? The irrational thought struck a chord somewhere inside of me and before I could think about it for too long I flung the door to Faith's room open.

"I know what you're doing in here!" I exclaimed pointing an accusing finger at her, before I actually looked at her. Dark hair was rumpled and hung loose around her shoulders as she blinked at me with half opened eyes. Oh my God! She was sleeping, she was probably exhausted from her like five minute coma yesterday that accompanied that vision. Finally her eyes focused on me and a surprised and annoyed eyebrow arched over an eye. Great, now I'd pissed off the sleepy slayer. "Sorry, I just...I thought you were trying to escape! Not that you're a prisoner here or anything, I mean...you're the slayer so you could pretty much just leave anytime you wanted to." I smiled nervously as I edged my way inside of her room and closed the door behind me. What was I doing in here? Take another shower? I mean, no! No more showers! I was just here to help, and that was why I'd just interupted her sleeping...because I wanted to help. Nice try, Chase.

"Cor?" She asked me sleepily, pushing dark tangles out of her face. "What the fuck are you doin'?"

"I just...I don't know." I finally admitted, sitting on the edge of her bed and looking at her. "I was just worried about you, you had that vision and then you got up and left so quickly from breakfast. I mean, Angel's pancakes aren't that bad."

She sighed and flopped back down on the bed, her hair spread out like a dark cloud on the white pillowcase. "It wasn't the pancakes that I have issues with."

"Wesley." I said quietly, nodding my head because hello! How obvious was that? It almost knocked me right over, the tension between the two of them and hey you couldn't blame them considering he spent a really long time trying to help the Watcher's Council kill her and then she tied him up to a chair and tried to slowly kill him a lot. It was understandable that they were uncomfortable with eachother, but they just...they needed to get past it somehow. They just did.

"Yeah. I know you want me to apologize or whatever, C. But I just can't do it yet, so can we just drop it? I'm wicked tired." She mumbled sleepily and lazily and for once? Okay maybe just this one time I was willing to wait to have a conversation. But only because I was tired too.

"We can drop it for now." I agreed reluctantly. "I'm tired too." Then why was I still sitting on the corner of her bed? I should go across the hall and sleep in my temporary room. Seperately from her and not anywhere near a shower.

"Good." I could barely even hear her voice now as she closed her eyes and curled up slightly. It reminded me of the first night that Angel had brought her back all bloodied and bruised. I remembered how small, vulnerable she looked when she slept curled up in a little ball. Almost hard to believe this was the woman who'd handcuffed me to a pipe for days.

"Cor?" Her voice tore me from my thoughts and I glanced down to see her pop one eye open and give me a look.

"Oh! Sorry." I smiled sheepishly and stood up to go into my own room. I didn't know why I'd just stayed and stared for so long. I was halfway to the door when I heard a low sigh come from the bed.

"You don't have to leave if you don't want to." Came the low voice from the sleepy slayer behind me. I turned around and searched her face to see if she was serious. I didnt' have to leave? Did that mean? She wanted me to stay here with her? In that bed! In the bed where things could happen, like a shower. Except Faith didn't look like she wanted anything to happen except sleep. I was tired too, and I'd feel better in here with her then across the hall all by myself.

I nodded at her slowly as she closed her eyes again. Crawling into bed beside her I pressed myself against her warm back and it was only a few seconds before I was fast asleep too.
Faithwickedslayer on June 26th, 2005 08:16 pm (UTC)
Finally, she was shuttin' up and lettin' a girl get a little shut eye! With a deep sigh I settled back into the mattress. Nothin' tired my ass out like gettin' nailed in the head with some kinda psychic crap and then killin' the beast in my dreams, followed by sharing breakfast with someone that I'd try to torture to death. All I wanted to do was hide away up in my room. Instead I got Queen C bargin' in and tellin' me that she knew what I was doin', tryin' to escape. If I wanted to escape she wouldn't be able to stop me. I'd plow through her and the vampire too. Truth was- ain't got no place else to go.

It wasn't too much longer before I felt one hot little bod pressed up against mine all snug and tight. Popping an eye open I thought about turnin' over to see who wanted to suddenly cuddle with me, just to make sure it was really Cordelia, cause seriously....that was kinda fucking weird. But I thought if I turned over I'd ruin the whole thing, and if there was one thing I was good at? It was ruining anything good that came my way. I wouldn't ruin this.

Instead I slid a little closer to her as she wrapped her arm around my waist. It wasn't long at all until I was fast asleep again to the sound of Cordelia breathing in my ear.